I want to provide an update for July even though it sucked royally. I went in with gusto, promise, and a renewed spirit that I was going to hit my July anniversary goal, in the end, I found myself eating chicken and waffles alone on my anniversary. Now it’s not what you think, Mr. and I are just fine, but for some reason that morning we were not seeing eye to eye.
I was already in a sad mood that morning I had just weighed myself and was depressed. Here I was the last week of July up an additional 2 pounds nowhere near my goal. I made the mistake of voicing my disgust with July and how I wasn’t doing what I needed to my husband and when I needed just a little push or even a hug he replied:
“You can always mow the lawn or walk the dog like I do. Maybe that is what you need to actually lose some weight.”
Now, I’m sure he meant only to be helpful and offer his support. Mowing the grass every weekend, walking our little husky 2 hours 5 days a week, and only eating 1 meal a day has done wonders for him and he looks great, but his tone… his tone felt like an attack.
I tried to explain in the nicest way that I can what’s going on with me. Since returning to the office, I have had a bit of a struggle finding time for all the things I did will remote. Running my shop, doing household chores, cooking, his needs, and on top of that finding time and motivation to work out have taken a dive. I told him when I get home it’s time to cook dinner and do laundry and whatever he needs me to do, then I’m tired, I go to sleep only to start over again in the morning. When I tell you this man looked me in my face and said the worst thing ever to motivate me I lost it and I ended up hurting myself.
My sweet husband on our anniversary reminded me how I used to refer to us back in our younger days of dating as Jack Sprat and wife and he told me IF I didn’t want to feel that way or be that wife I would work harder and find the time? Do you know who Jack Sprat is?
“Jack Sprat” Lyrics
Jack Sprat could eat no fat.
His wife could eat no lean.
And so between them both, you see,
They licked the platter clean
Jack ate all the lean,
Joan ate all the fat.
The bone they picked it clean,
Then gave it to the cat
I’m Joan and apparently, I can’t eat lean. I was depressed a lot when I was younger and I referred to myself as awful things when I was down. When I was dating my husband I was a big girl and he was a lean guy I always thought I would break him. I know it was me that gave us that shitty nickname, but that was then and this is now and for him to remind me of that was a dick move.
I got angry and did what I do best. I fed my anger and hurt chicken and waffles.
I fell off the wagon. I know. My response was not my best, I was hurt and feeling less than worthy.
My husband has lost a lot of weight by doing these simple acts and again explaining to him that we are not the same people and won’t drop pounds at the same rate is usually dismissed.
I know he thinks he was helping, but he wasn’t.
I was so depressed that I went for a walk after breakfast… 2 miles at the neighborhood park. I berated myself a few minutes for the chicken and waffles and then I started to encourage myself to keep going.
I may not lose weight at the rate my husband or anyone else is losing weight because we are not all the same, but I can promise that I will keep going, I will not give up. I know I will have good days and months where I will sing my weight loss from the rooftop and I will also have times when I want to hide my personal shame and embarrassment because I think I haven’t done enough.
I’m not a failure if I keep going. I knew my journey would be slow and I am ok with that.
I want to thank everyone that visits this blog. I appreciate every visit, like and comment.
Until next time
AnissaMarie
AnissaMarie 