As the weather warms up and the pandemic infection numbers decrease more and more people will start to want to connect. I know people are eager to return to the way it used to be, but I have to say as an introvert I am in no hurry to go anywhere anytime soon. I have never been more comfortable than I am in this moment right now. I have enjoyed the peace that has come with being an empty-nester, the time spent with my husband just being with myself day in and day out. The only thing I wish I had done during the time I had was work on my health and shape up.
But I didn’t…
Recently a friend of my husband invited us out to a couples dinner and bowling. Since it was close to his birthday he really wanted to go. I on the other hand did not want to, I had not worn clothes in over a year, plus I had put on 30+ pounds since they last saw us. I had nothing that fit, my hair was a mess and to be honest, I just didn’t want to go, but my husband did so that was that.
Ok let me be real.
I didn’t want to go because I am insecure about my weight and I am ALWAYS the largest woman, the largest person, the fat wife of the group. I never really think about my weight until I have to go somewhere or do something. It is only then, that I am reminded of all the things being overweight hinders me from doing. I know this has everything to do with me and nothing to do with them; I am working on that, but I am just tired of being the fat wife.
My husband’s friends are in decent shape and aside from a slight beer belly and a few man-boobs, they are in pretty decent shape. My husband is also in fairly good shape with a slight belly, but he looks good. The men in the group have been friends since they were teenagers and my husband is friends with all their wives. I am relatively new to the group and I stick out like a sore thumb.
The wives in this group are very fashionable; even when dressed down, they are put together nicely. They take the time to care for themselves, and it shows. While I have let myself go… comparison to other women is never the answer. When I stand next to these women, I can’t help but wonder are they judging me, my ill-fitting clothes? Do they wonder what my husband sees in me? Do they feel sorry for him to be bogged down with such a dumpy wife, or is this all in my head? Maybe.
My first interaction with the wives was very awkward, to begin with. We were all on a couples vacation in Mexico and as my husband and I waited for everyone to arrive I realized a few things as each couple showed up:
- I completely misunderstood what type of trip it was.
- I did not bring the right outfits or swimsuits for this trip
- I was the shortest and the largest woman there.
- It was going to be a long week.
My insecurity about my weight is always at it peak whenever I am around the group. I’m aloof, I stay in my phone and I don’t socialize. While my husband works the room, I’ve become a sullen wallflower counting the minutes until I can go home.
I started this weight loss journey because I want to not only feel good but I want to look better too. I want to eliminate anything that restricts me from living a more active life. Being tired, walking slower than everyone because I didn’t want them to hear me breathing hard, not fitting in chairs at a bowling alley or booths at a restaurant.
Rant complete.
Until next time my friends.
AnissaMarie.
AnissaMarie 